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Siriously? I'm Serious: Grocery Store Confessions

4/27/10

I love the grocery store. If I was 12, I would say I want to marry the grocery store, and have its babies. It is my Happy Place, with aisles and aisles of inspiration and dinner permutations. However, my relationship with the market is not without faults. There are areas in which we don't mesh well. But honesty is important in a partnership, so for this week's edition of Siriously? I'm Serious, I shall reveal to you my Grocery Store Confessions...

CARTS


There is a conspiracy against me and it is that I always get stuck with a lemon cart. The alignment will be off, the wheels will stick or rattle and sometimes just stop moving. I am convinced that the person or force behind this conspiracy has a nice chuckle as they watch me struggle with all of my might to smoothly push a cart through the store. It drives me crazy, and that is why you will sometimes see me holding a basket with 92 items in it. I'd rather break my arm than suffer from cart rage.

LONG LINES

It seems that I go to the store when everyone on the planet has decided to go to. That's fine, I don't mind maneuvering through the crowds because it makes me feel like I'm in a video game. However, when it's my turn to checkout, I start to feel the pressure of the line behind me. And when the employee hands me my cash, change and receipt, in that order, all at once, a panic attack is triggered. How am I supposed to put that away quickly and efficiently? It's not possible. And the next customer inevitably starts to inch closer and closer to you while you're trying to get your purse situated which is just so rude and uncomfortable. Although I might be guilty of doing that too when I'm behind an old lady who's trying to redeem a coupon from 1983.

CONVERSATIONS


Once, I was standing in the cereal aisle, aimlessly staring at the selection, trying to decide between a box of cardboard flakes and a box of processed marshmallows, when I noticed a woman doing the same thing. She said out loud, I'm trying to decide on cereal. Excited to have made a friend in the cereal aisle, I said energetically, me too, why is this so hard?! She looked at me strangely and then she said, is that Ethan I hear in the background? I said nothing, I thought I was talking to a crazy person. Until I noticed the bluetooth in her ear. Which was when I realized she was never talking to me. Which was when I scurried to the next aisle without cereal.

*Now, do you have any Grocery Store Confessions you would like to get off your chest?

6 comments:

Dustin said...

At least 4 employees at each of the 3 Trader Joe's in the city know me by name. I know thier girlfriends' names, vacation plans, schools, favorite Disney princesses etc... Not sure if it's a clear sign I inappropriately talk to strangers or that I go to the grocey store more than I shower. They must think I'm 'special.'

Siri said...

Well they sound "special" too. They have girlfriends AND love Disney princesses? Not normal.

Kevin and Erin McLaughlin said...

I stood as a child at the door of the grocery store while my mom tried out 15 different carts to make sure she got the best one. Half way through she'd need 2 carts, one behind her and one in front of her to purchase food for our family of 6. I was mortified.

Eva said...

A. I totally agree with you on the whole "getting your purse situated" thing. Not only do you get uncomfortable pressure from the person behind you, but from the cashier as well! They give yout he stink eye if you don't move quickly enough - stress! UGH!
B. Just laughed my booty off regarding the blue tooth story. Don't worry Siri, it's happened to all of us.

Juliet {the juliet notes} said...

i always get the crappy cart too. on the occasion where i think i got a good cart it most likely will go bad as i'm shopping (i turn a corner and the wheel gets jammed, etc.)

love this post - so funny and true.

Sara said...

I take things that I know I won't actually buy, like a king size kit kat bar, put them into my cart, and then ditch them in a random place that is close to the checkout at the last minute. The guilt always wins out!

Also, I touch all the apples. I squeeze them to make sure they are not mealy (mealy apples have more give than truly crispy ones)and I bypass any that seem to have the mealy-ness. By then I usually have six apples in the bag and 25 left on the pile with my fingerprints on them.

And last, I steal half an apple at every shopping trip by way of letting my daughter chomp on it as we go through the store. It's the only way to keep her subdued and to me that is worth getting arrested for shoplifting. I do put the apple back in the bag with the others when we check out though so they can at least charge me for what is left.

I'm a grocery store menace.

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